Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Storytime


Lately, I've noticed that there's a lot of bloggers out there that have to remind themselves, on their own blog, that they shouldn't compare their lives to what we see on other's blogs.


This isn't a new thing.

In fact, the whole time I was blogging the last time, there was a rat race to show how perfect everyone's life was and a lot of jealousy about it.

I still see it out there.

I've been jealous myself.

I know it's not reality.

You should too.


No one's house looks like that all the time, especially those with all the white interiors. (I know this because I had a white slipcovered couch for about 10 minutes a few years back.)

God knows my house doesn't look like my pictures all the time.

Even Bunny William's house doesn't.

Seriously.

Although, it might, since she could have a maid or two...

but I digress....


You know darn well that tired husbands are coming home after a hard day at work, plopping their stinky feet up on that tufted ottoman, drinking a beer, and eating nachos on that new couch.

Kids are jumping all around on the couches and beds, like animals, with grape jelly on their hands, wiping it on the walls, and Cheetos are flying in all directions. 

The dog is going potty on the new jute rug (or whatever is "in" now) and the cat is coughing up a hairball in the corner. Not to mention the shedding that goes on.

You know this, because if you've had husbands, kids, and/or animals, it's gone on at your house and it's gone on in mine.

All I picture when I see these beautiful interiors is these woman pulling their hair out, because I've wanted to do the same when it happens here.

The ladies that decorate in all white are very very brave women in my opinion and I commend them, because I couldn't handle it.

I'm not kidding in the least about that.


So here's my story....

My last blog was about my life with my now ex-husband. 

My "Peanut Butter and Jelly Life".

Or so I thought.

The truth is, although I thought I was happy, there was a lot more going on behind the scenes. Some things I knew and some that I wasn't aware of.

No, I won't get into the dirty details, because it isn't the point of the story.

Yes, there were struggles in our everyday life, just like everyone has, and no, I didn't share them then either. I only put the happy stuff out there, because I wanted my blog to be a happy place. 

On top of everything, my home always looked perfectly clean in every picture, unless it was in the midst of a remodel.

Let's face it, no one wants to read about the fact that your husband won't put his laundry in the basket and won't change the toilet paper roll or that you can't stand his family or that the kids are being jerks that week or see your house a dirty wreck.

Well, maybe you do, you sickos :p

But like I said, I wanted a place for people to come and relax and be happy.

I didn't lie, I just didn't air my dirty laundry or house, and there's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with it if you do either, because it's your blog.


I do the same thing with this blog as I did with the last one, albeit less personal.

I don't show dirt and dust or my daughter's room when it looks like a war zone. Nor do I air the dirty laundry of my life, unless I feel it might be relevant to the blog.

When you come to visit me here, I want you feel something, but hopefully not anger or jealousy, because you think I live a perfect life with a perfectly clean house.

Trust me, that's not the case.

Happy, yes.

Perfect, hell no.

I'm looking at dust balls as I type this and I'm pretty sure my lap is covered in dog hair, because Bubba has been sleeping on it for the last hour as I type this.

Although, he's pretty perfect ;)


Anywho,

I want you to be happy, when I post something happy.

I want you to be interested, when I find something interesting.

I want you to learn something about old houses or whatever other tangent I go on, even if it isn't your taste.

Mostly, I want you to come here, because it's a joy and not a burden.


My point?

No one's life is perfect, even if it appears so.

Trust me on this.

Be happy with what you have.

Love the life you live.

Enjoy the home you're in.

And don't worry about keeping up with the Joneses, because their life isn't perfect either, no matter what the camera lens shows.

xo
rue


PS

The cloud pictures were taken from my back yard.







56 comments:

  1. OH I love this post...my feelings exactly! One reason I started my blog was as a creative outlet from life's craziness...why would I want to write about it lol!?

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  2. I am jealous of all of your cool accessories... it is easy to let yourself believe the fairy tale of other people's blogs. But in the end, it is nice to be in a place where you are comfortable with what you are doing. It is always fun to see what you are up to.

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  3. Rue, you don't have to write anything you don't want to. I do understand the privacy for bloggers. Living in the Arizona mountains with beautiful skies, amazing! Of course seeing Bubba's cute little smooshy face is a bonus:) Kathleen in Az

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    1. Thank you, Kathleen for being so sweet :)

      xo

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  4. I used to have a poster with a bunch of quotes and one of them was "all of our unhappiness is the direct result of comparing ourselves to others'. Whether it's in blog land or our everyday lives, we compare our houses, our husbands, our bodies, our faces, our bank accounts, our cars, etc. iI's all very silly and such a waste of energy. For the lucky ones, getting older puts the kabbach on that ;). For the not-so-lucky ones, they've lived a life highlighted with negativity and jealousy. Such a waste.

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  5. I love that you look at blogging from this point of view and share it, as there are so many new bloggers that do feel inadequate material-wise and DO try to keep up with the Jones'. I know that because I did for awhile as well and then I realized that not only was it expensive...it was plain stupid. A friend once said to me, "There will always be people that have more and less than you". SO true. And very true in the blogging world if you can see through the haze of 'perfect' homes, children, schedules and books deals. I don't hold a grudge against these bloggers, we are what we are and our blogs are our own. But I really do love blogs like yours that are interesting to read and seem very honest.

    Thanks. :)

    Jane x

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  6. So very true, and you've said it so well. And you described my house-- not the perfect rooms, but the one with the kids jumping everywhere. This is why I mostly stick to sharing food and crafts! ;)

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  7. I went through years of a very unhappy marriage and always put on the "happy face" because I felt it was what I needed to do. If I blogged back then, everything would have looked nice and tidy on the outside, while my life was hell on the inside. I finally cut the "perfect life" crap (a long time ago) when it stressed me down to 99 pounds and I had a black eye and a broken cheek bone...when the poop hits the fan like that, there's no pretending everything's perfect. I try to share failures on my blog because everything isn't nice and rosy. I screw up...and my house isn't always clean. Dirty dishes are in the sink, dust balls sometimes slide across the floor and the office is always a wreck. The Joneses should never be the standard to which we hold ourselves, I guess some of us learn it sooner (or later) than others, but we always learn the lesson! Love the clouds and the mountains! Hugs!!

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  8. Exactly!! When I started blogging I kept finding people with 'perfect' homes and marriages and kids...etc! REALLY? Life is so not like that, at least not all the time. You don't have to share all the bad stuff unless you want too, but lets keep it real. I do on my blog also!

    Linda

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  9. I have to laugh because I spend so much time setting the scene when I am taking photos. I move things around, unplug lights so the cords won't show, pick up Lulu's toys, etc. Then Steve will see something funny, snap a picture with no thought and put it on Instagram. Quite a few people who follow me also follow Steve. They get the "perfect" from me and the "real" from Steve.

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  10. I love that photo of the bird on the tall tree stump! It looks fairytale. Good post. xoxo Su

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  11. I so agree! No one's life is perfect. There will always be those that have more and those with less. Those with bright outlooks and those who gripe about everything. If you saw my photos on facebook you'd see my family room is full of toys that my grandchildren play with, and that my kitchen windows don't face a beautiful mountain--just another house up on the hill behind me--lol. I do try to dwell on the positives in my life on my blog, but I've also shared some of my health struggles and sadness at losing special people in my life. The one thing I love to do is go out and see something new--I thrive on that more than a beautiful home or a gourmet meal. Even just going to a new park to take a walk will make me happy. Sometimes I think I'd love to live in an RV and just travel all around the country, but I'd never do that while my grandchildren are young as I love being with them the most!

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  12. You are a wise lady!!! With wise things to say!!! As you know I mostly try and have my blog be a happy place for me and for readers, doesn't always work but you know that is how life rolls sometimes isn't it. I show good and bad - although not what feels like the waist high dust bunnies currently rolling round my house - but did you see the state of my desk in yesterdays post, that is pretty real life isn't it!! I did once toy with starting a blog - tongue in cheek - of just bad stuff, mess, disasters etc but I didn't think I could keep it up!!! Anyway, love your blog - and you - just the way it is, whatever that is!! xx

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  13. Such a great post.For years I was only reading blogs,since last October I finally started my own.I often felt/feel overwhelmed by the way other houses look.That made me insecure and I asked myself if anybody would be interested in how we are living.Then I met a blogger who was featured in many magazines.Boy was I surprised that her house looked like mine.She had spiderwebs in the corners and dustballs on the floor.Even dirty dishes in her sink lol.That made me realize that the pictures you see isn´t actually the real everyday life.When I take pictures of my house I clean the room first,I don´t think anybody wants to see it messy.We have four bassethounds and three cats so you can imagine how much hair is `floating`around.I really enjoyed your great pictures.
    Hugs
    Caroline

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  14. What a great post on how life really is!

    I have to admit that I feel bad sometimes when I look at those, what look to be, 'perfect' homes. Everything lovely, and in place. My little home is a work in progress, although somewhat stalled since losing DH. I've definitely got dust bunnies and cat hairs, stuff all around. I've got to do some straightening up today as a sister-in-law is coming for a visit. Her home always looks nice and is much larger than my little cottage. I'd rather be needleworking or gardening than inside making my house look perfect.

    Photos that I share in my blog are for the most part 'selective'. The 'clutter' does bother me at times and I go around putting things away, getting rid of some things, and it looks better in here for all of a day ,if I'm lucky. :-)

    Thank you for writing this post. It is very encouraging, very real and much appreciated.

    FlowerLady ~ living in my dusty, somewhat cluttered cottage

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  15. Well said! Very well said!!!!!

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  16. So very true. (I wonder if your dust bunnies are any relation to my dust bunnies???)

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  17. Amen, sister Rue! I so agree. I think some of the bloggers who have gone 'big time' are trying so hard to be discovered and appear in magazines and such, by continuing to show projects every day, paint something every day, redo a room every day - just wears me out! I have always enjoyed your blog and appreciate how really read you are! Nope, I don't want no all white house. I need me some color.
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

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  18. I was just thinking the same thing a couple days ago...those bloggers with the spotless houses can't be enjoying life as much as the rest of us that are living a "normal" life. I can tell you that plumping pillows so they look perfect so isn't my cup of tea! I have other irritants, but won't mention them here...only that I know how to dress properly for a woman my age...in other words, an old lady.
    Rue, have a great long weekend!

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  19. I love your honesty here! I can't stand reading blogs where life is so rosy, it is unbelievable! I want to see a normal person, with a normal house, and a normal life! Nobody has the kind of life some of these blogs portray, I don't care who they are! I figure they are trying to convince themselves as much as trying to convince the reader. Sad! When you come to my blog you will get the nitty gritty of every day life! I will never hang our dirty laundry out to dry on the "blog clothesline" for all to see! Not my style! I don't have an exciting life...in fact, it's rather mundane, but it is perfect for us and my blog is a means to keep long distance relatives and friends updated on what's going on! Other visitor's are a bonus! Thanks for posting this because I thought maybe I was the only one who thought like that!

    Grace& Peace!

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  20. This is my philosophy too. :)

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  21. A marvelous post!!!!!!!

    Thank you!!!!!

    I love it that you, and others, are speaking about some of the pitfalls of "Pretty Blog Land"! Makes me want to do so myself.

    We bloggers need to be reminded of these things. We do.

    That's why I post a pic, which my garbage managed to "photo bomb"! And have a label ... "Reality in Blogging" or some such. :-) We need to know, that it is fine to be real. And that we don't really even want to only show perrrrrrrrrrfection, all the time.

    Lots of gentle hugs,
    Tessa

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  22. Couldn't have said it better myself. On occasion, I take pictures of my pretty crafts or projects and then I snap one of what the whole kitchen looks like...the pots and pans that have been cropped out, the shoes that never, ever make it into the closet, the homework and backpacks flung over the chairs and on the floor. I always get the same comments that say, you're so brave to show this. Brave? Really? To show real life? No. My sister was brave during chemotherapy. My nephew was brave when deployed. No. I'm just a busy lady with a messy house sometimes, for all the reasons you listed above and if I'm afraid to show that, well then, I am taking myself way too seriously.

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  23. Excellent post! And so true. Someone made a comment to me that they'd love to walk through my beautiful gardens. Someone else once asked me for a panoramic view of our backyard. Um...no. I told her there is a reason I take close-up shots. Life here is not gorgeous. But I have bits of beautiful here and there and like to focus on those. I couldn't stand trying to control everything or make my home look like House Beautiful. Real people live here.

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  24. Hahaha! This made me giggle - I can crop a dirty floor out with the best of them. I swoon over the gorgeous, white decor that many bloggers (successfully) share on their sites, but I know that it is not for me. I have a four year old, and a beer drinking/nacho eating hubby (that you speak of), and I would much rather have the latter than the pristine interior decor. I'm learning to not compare myself to those other bloggers, live in the moment, and share what is going on in MY world. People will like it, or not, but I MUST enjoy the ride. I've loved reading all of the honesty that seems to be brewing in the blog world. I love that we are all determined to stay true to ourselves. Here's to you! Be yourself, no matter what everyone else tells you...

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  25. So true! I started a blog post a couple years ago when I ripped up the carpet on my staircase and was going to share the before and after. Two years later, it still looks the same because I'll have to hire someone to fix the stair treds. What was under the carpet was not attractive.

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  26. What a great post.

    I love visiting your blog, certainly wouldn't hop over to read it if I didn't.

    We all have to decide what to write, where we want to visit. It's a bit like the on/off switch of your TV or computer the choice is yours ... or should I say ours?

    All the best Jan

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  27. That's hilarious! Love your post! Ha! So true that every day life just is not that perfect way! I agree with everything you said! Sorry about your divorce! Hoping your pets,friends,family and whatever it is that you love to do will find you peace and contentment! What. Exactly is happiness! I have found prone day and then the next day it disappears! Ha! Where did it go! Take care! Cindy

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    1. Thank you, Cindy :)

      It's been over 4 years since the divorce and I've moved on. No worries!

      I find happiness in the little things. Just look around ;)

      xo

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  28. Hi Rue, I agree with your post and so glad you shared this. Things and life isn't perfect and I certainly fall in that category, but that's okay because I'm happy anyway. Do I paint everyday? Well yes, because that's by job and I have a shop on etsy. Do I share my projects? Well yes I do and hope to inspire, maybe~~
    MY house finally stays cleaner since I have no kids at home now. But it wasn't always this way and except for my home tour, it's not always pulled together now!! That's okay, we live here and like comfort. We spill, and drop, dirty it up and track in mud!!
    I have a white love seat and we are never careful with it. It can be washed and put back together so we use it and enjoy it. Years ago I would have never had a white anything in my house!! LOL I like a lot of black too. It doesn't show the dirt or dust in pictures.
    Thank you for bringing this out and sharing it in your post. I think many can relate. We don't have to follow any perfect rules to blog and we still find kindred spirits and friendships. I'm not a big shot blogger and never will be.

    I love your blog now and I loved your last one when I first met you too. So glad you are here again and I look forward to your posts and all that you share.
    Great photos today too. Your fur baby is adorable.
    Have a nice holiday weekend.
    Hugs, CM

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  29. True, true, and true! I'm one of those people with white interiors and kids and a dog. My house has to be straightened up ( big time) before I take pics for my blog. And cropping is a great edit feature for photos too!! But I really do like to look at pretty photos on a blog so I try to do the same for my readers.

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  30. I remember one summer afternoon, my husband had just finished mowing the lawn and weed-whacking, primping the flower beds,,,and our three young daughters came running out of the house with a tablecloth, dolls and cookies and set up camp on the freshly mowed lawn. My husband yelled - Girls! I just finished mowing and trimming! My dad who was visiting, said one day they'll be all grown up and your lawn will never have tea parties or cookie crumbs on it again....he was right. Now when my husband mows the grass, he calls our grown daughters up and tells them to come over and bring the grandkids...he throws several old blankets down right in front of the house and sits on the front porch and watches them play for hours! In the summer he gets the hose out and a big water fight ensues....My dad must be smiling down from Heaven every time he sees this!
    Live in your home...that's how memories are made......
    Lois@ Pineridgehills.com

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  31. Your post will resonate with many , myself included. We do tend to fall into the if only trap of what our home could be if we lived without, pets, kids, spouses etc...it would be a lonely life indeed. Sometimes we need a reminder that our homes are to be lived in, they are the embodiment of our lives.

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  32. The downsizing is beginning to take it's toll. We are tired. The guys have been here putting down floor all week, there is dust everywhere! LOL
    I don't know how many times someone or other would say something a tad snarky about out former home, the big house and how lucky I was to have it. We appreciated that big house, we didn't build it till the Summer I turned 60. Until then we lived in a small house in the back pasture on the farm where J was born. That house had a lot of problems. When it sold, we decided we would build the dream house. By the time I was 70 and J was 68, we decided it was time to downsize. We enjoyed those years in the big house. It was almost like playing house. We don't have a cleaning lady and we have never had a cleaning lady. We do the work ourselves. That house was the result of a lifetime of hard work and determination. Now it's time for the small house and yes, here we are taking a brand new house and making changes. It will be Pat and J's home when we are finished. We are living out of storage and taking our time. J has been hospitalized twice in the two months since we signed on our new home and sold our old home and I've made one visit to the ER. I don't think I have ever envied anyone in blog land because I know our story. I just wish folk who visit our home through the blog understand, all that it appears we have did not come easy. We both have lived colorfully eventful lives. I just don't write about it.:-)

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  33. Oh true! All of it. I have a smelly cat to my right, a stinky dog to my left, and a hubby eating a rhubarb scone in the living room. I love to tell stories, but am usually shocked to discover that they are not mine to tell. And that is why things are so dull at my place lately! Oh, I am a huge fan of slice of life blogs.

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  34. This is a very interesting post...and interesting comments as well. I only know about you, what you write...no more, no less. I did not read your blog before...so I have no prior knowledge of your life. I am delighted to know that you do not lead a perfect life...not that it wouldn't be nice for a day or so...but, wouldn't life be boring if everything were perfect? You are a real person, real circumstances, and dog hair! I can relate...I have a long-haired cat! ;)

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    1. Yes, it would be very boring indeed, Donnamae ;)

      xo

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  35. Love this post, Rue! I will only do so much "staging" for pics on my blog. Clutter is an everyday thing in my real lived-in home. Our house gets a workout every day. And I don't always care to deal with it. I might wipe up the crumbs before taking the picture, or sweep up the copious amounts of dog hair that might wander into the scene just to avoid embarrassment. But I do actually like it when you mention things like Bubba's dog hair and your daughter's messy room. ;) It keeps it real. So add in some real life. It's fine by me. I think the trick is to mention things lightly so you don't send someone away depressed. Don't want that! lol Take care, dear lady!

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  36. Wonderful post. I do pretty well with not comparing myself and what we do or don't have (it's mostly don't have, lol) with others, but sometimes when I see a blog where it's very apparent that the person has a lot of money and their home is gigantic with beautiful "everything", I get a twinge of envy. Doesn't last long though. I'm very grateful for my small house because it's OUR home. We are blessed with enough, and that is plenty. My house and life are far from perfect. I do share some personal things on my blog, but that's just me and what I feel comfortable with. xoxo

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  37. Great post when I first starting blogging I compared myself to the older/bigger bloggers. At first I felt uncomfortable because I didn't have a mcmansion? As the years have flowed I've become confident with who I am as a blogger, and love my home no matter what her size is. My home is not about perfection, because quite frankly it makes me really stressed out. My father was unpleasable, and I spent too many years trying to please him...now I only please myself and the hubs. I am so glad to be at the place where I post/write/share what I want an when I want!

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  38. A wonderful post, Rue. I, personally, enjoy your occasional slices of real life, and you serve them so well. Like you, I'd rather write about the more pleasant things in my life, giving readers a little taste of joy, to start their day.

    Happy Thursday!

    xo
    Poppy
    P.S.: Your Bubba is beautiful!

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  39. Yes, yes YES dear sweet Rue! I decided a few months ago that every Friday I would look back on the week and be thankful for the little bits of bliss that life offered. On today's blog you see a messy laundry room and a dirty dog bed. I love it all!
    Have a wonderful weekend!

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  40. Great post Rue and a good reminder to everyone what is real and what is not.
    Have a nice weekend
    Jeannette

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  41. Very true, Rue! You are dear sweet friend, and perfect just the way you are!
    xo Christine
    P.S. Your bubba is absolutely adorable! Wish my furbabies weren't so camera shy! ;)

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  42. Oh Rue, I loved this post because we are all different people with our own different ways. Comparing is for sure the worst thing we can do. I always want our blog to be a positive place, and I don't like negative thoughts at all, but I do always speak the truth.

    I like coming over here to see what's going on in your world, and I'm glad I met you in this land of blog.

    Let's just be ourselves.......that's the only way to be. :~)

    ~Sheri

    (oh, and I couldn't have an all-white house for all the money in the world hehehe).

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  43. (I just put you on our side bar as "lovely blogs" and I have to say that I'm pretty picky about that.)

    Have a beautiful weekend.

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  44. There is hope yet! Just to know that a young woman such as you, albeit from an old-fashioned world, feels this way and writes about it, encourages me to no end. This is real life and it's especially real for a woman of my age who wonders if I of less energy, less ability, has any business blogging. Will people still want to read if my table or my room or my garden or my person is not perfect? I like to look at pretty rooms, pretty tables, pretty gardens, I really do. But I can't compete with them, never could but less and less now. I'm not going to show a room of mine in disorder but can I accept showing the beauty of my garden even though there are weeds, show a dish I've made without having to style it to Country Living magazine perfection? Can I post stories of family life without having to pretend we're rapturously happy? Because we're usually not, the weeds are always in the garden now, I've gone to folding my napkins and tablecloths out of the dryer instead of adding them to a pile on the ironing board, and when I finish cooking something there are splatters on my stove, and dishes need to be washed. And finally, I'm feeling my 72 years of age.

    Have I aged out of blogging or is there still a place for me here? As long as I'm not publishing gibberish, as long as I can remember the names of my kids and dogs, I still want to blog. I hope I can.

    Thank you for this post, Rue.

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  45. I so totally do not understand the concept that a few people have of misrepresenting themselves as perfectly, joyously, constantly in a state of celebration over their lives, even their sunsets, as if no one else ever had a happy moment. But they also lose the perfect opportunity to present themselves as HUMAN, and possibly be of more interest than a dimestore mannequin.

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  46. Perfect. It's all so subjective, isn't it? I wonder how often people want some things just because they feel they should? Look at marketing. They convince people to consume more. That I understand, it's a business that keeps people employed. The unattainable perfection that comes from blogs is totally different. I have to say I'm glad I was older when this all started. I can see where it could really be the source for increasing insecurities.

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  47. ...wise words...the things...and people...we love and treasure most...are often diminished...and tarnished...by comparison...shame on us...blessings laney

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